Once both gay marriage and marijuana are finally legal, those of you against them are not invited to the really fun parties I'm gonna throw.

My co-stars aren't bad actors, but they're no Zach Braff.

Yea, he's alright...but he's no Zach Braff.

If I had a billion dollars I would...oh wait...already do.

Seriously, when's the last time you saw me wear shorts?

Sometimes you just gotta use what God gave you to the best of your abilities.

I love the holiday season, almost as much as I love touching myself in front of orphans.