Once both gay marriage and marijuana are finally legal, those of you against them are not invited to the really fun parties I'm gonna throw.

I really like just super dry comedy.

Every single person wants to do it, don't hate me because I had the guts to follow my heart!

Actually, I stopped looking at myself in the mirror years ago. I wasn't making it to work on time.

Women have the right to choose what do with their own bodies. They can take it in the cooch or in the pooper. But that's where their right to choose stops, in my opinion.

It's... it's such a weird thing. After Garden State, so many companies wanted to make my movies, and after The Last Kiss, I realized people would make anything I was in. As long as I keep this up I'll be swimming in chubby indie girl pussy.

I tried it a few times but didn't see the point. I'm Zach Braff. What the fudge do I need a team for besides holding me back and sucking? If I wanted that, I'd just walk on the set of 'Scrubs'.