Yea, he's alright...but he's no Zach Braff.

Honestly, the only way Garden State could have been better was if I played every character. I'm awesome.

I'm pretty sure Africa was made up by the media to scare people. I mean, I've never seen it. Have you? I didn't think so.

Let's face it, it's only called Scrubs because I'm saving 'Zach Braff' for my autobiography.

I'm not saying eating babies should be legal, but when they're so delicious, what's the harm in it? I don't know what tastes better, their innocence or their gooey rib butter.

Don't get me wrong, I love the idea of killing unwanted babies, it's just that the idea of letting women make a decision doesn't sit well with me.

I've always wanted to have kids of my own, it's just tough finding a woman I wouldn't be wasting my DNA on.