Sometimes, I go to Barnes & Noble with the sole intention of moving all copies of the bible to the fiction section.

People often ask me when there's going to be a Mrs. Zach Braff. It's a confusing question sometimes because many people don't realize that my mother is named Mrs. Zach Braff.

I mean, I'm a writer, actor, AND director. Not to rock the boat or anything, but compare that to a carpenter and, in the end, who is the better man?

If I had a billion dollars I would...oh wait...already do.

I'm not saying eating babies should be legal, but when they're so delicious, what's the harm in it? I don't know what tastes better, their innocence or their gooey rib butter.

I don't mind it if blacks want equal rights, as long as they mean rights equal to a dog

Well I don't like to think too far ahead because it scares me a little to think of what this world will come to after I'm gone, but I suppose life will have to go on, right? At least everyone will still be able to watch reruns of Scrubs.