I'm not saying eating babies should be legal, but when they're so delicious, what's the harm in it? I don't know what tastes better, their innocence or their gooey rib butter.

It has been pretty much downhill ever since the 13th amendment

It's not that I'm racist or anything, because I'm not, but I just don't think we should be wasting our time helping people that are going to die soon anyway.

I really like just super dry comedy.

Oh sure, I have a few black people in my family tree. They're probably still hanging there.

Yeah, the gay pride movement is precious and all, but I think it's about time we asked ourselves what gay people really have to offer to society.

People compared Garden State to the Graduate, but when was the last time you saw Dustin Hoffman doing what I do?