I'm not gay, but I'm still the kind of guy where, even though you have no chance, they still want to hang around me so you can get a good mental image and jerk off to me later.

I think in a play it's wise to just sit back and watch other actors and be able to shape it from the audience.

I did theater for a few years while I was in New York, but it was tough having to perform scripts worse than what I knew I could write.

It's... it's such a weird thing. After Garden State, so many companies wanted to make my movies, and after The Last Kiss, I realized people would make anything I was in. As long as I keep this up I'll be swimming in chubby indie girl pussy.

Oh sure, I have a few black people in my family tree. They're probably still hanging there.

At first, I didn't really care if global warming existed. But then I realized it means that less bums would freeze to death in the winter

I certainly do not consider myself the next Jesus. I'd say he was more of a precursor to Zach Braff.