Oh sure, I have a few black people in my family tree. They're probably still hanging there.

It's just people trying to get on TV, not like it's really going to do them any good since people can just watch me.

Well, I've thought about donating, but they get so many damn donations already. I read about one foundation that raised over 100 million dollars. Well where the hell did that go? For all I know every starving child has a 2 story house by now. Or maybe they're all raging alcoholics, like homeless people. Homeless people who are more effective when it comes to raising money. Who wants to support alcoholic children? Not me.

I don't know why people were so upset with me. Prince got his own symbol. I just wanted to adopt the handicap symbol as my own so I could park in handicap spots. Deformed people should be honored to park so close to me. Meeting a celebrity like me may give them hope in their mistake of a life.

I mean, some people accuse me of being racist. I'm totally not, I'm just better than everybody else.

It's always weird being the only white person in a group. It feels like everyone's looking to me for guidance.

Best movie ever?! Come on, my appearance on Arrested Development had more dynamics, realism and feel to it than the whole trilogy combined.