I've turned down a lot of proposed scripts for Scrubs episodes, mainly ones with AIDs patients. It sickens me, really. If you don't want AIDs, don't be a ice cream man. Or African. I'm neither and I'm fine.

Actually, I stopped looking at myself in the mirror years ago. I wasn't making it to work on time.

People always tell me I should run for president, but I don't think they'd give me enough time off to make my films.

Some people just don't want to put in the effort. I just show up and say some lines and I'm famous. Anyone living below the poverty line just needs to shape up or be shipped out, you know?

I love queers as much as the next guy, I just don't think I should have to sit beside them on public transport.

A kid came up to me the other day and said, 'Hey, you're the guy on Scrubs!' Kid, I am Scrubs, and don't you forget it.

I really like just super dry comedy.