When I think about the holidays, I think about the Salvation Army guys ringing bells in front of stores. They're always so nice to you and they're always willing to give a heart to heart conversation. They actually bear the winter cold to ask for your petty cash with a smile on their face. Fudge those guys.

Yea, I had a dream too. Looks like mine came true.

You want to know the secret of my success? Let me tell you about eugenics.

Over half a century on and they're still complaining about it. Compare it to the fact that Garden State didn't win an Oscar and they seem a little petty if you ask me. I guess that just goes to show what kind of people they really are.

At this point I feel like I could go out and accomplish anything. I'd just love to see Will Smith's face if he found out I, Z-Braff, have the number one rap album in the country. That'd show that no-talent uncle tom.

I don't belive Oprah's sexual abuse stories, I mean who would take a black girl when there are plenty of white?

I mean, personally, I would have had no problem surviving. Come on, how hard is it to swim?