I was kosher until I had my Bar Mitzvah, and I parlayed officially becoming a man into telling my father I wanted to eat cheeseburgers.

If God wanted women to be treated equally to men, he'd have given them penises.

I think a lot of people are drawn to seeing people that want to be better. We see it in ourselves.

Well I don't like to think too far ahead because it scares me a little to think of what this world will come to after I'm gone, but I suppose life will have to go on, right? At least everyone will still be able to watch reruns of Scrubs.

I have a great relationship with my parents. I have not been on lithium.

I was excited about The Dark Knight until Heath Ledger gave away the ending, Batman always wins.

Bigger than the Beatles? Well, how many grammys did they win? Exactly, none, yet I have one, and I've never even released a CD.