When things seem to be slowing down, there's this little trick I like to play. I'd plow this virgin who's on her period, and after I'm done I'd just run out into the living room, or the dance floor, with all that bloody goop on my junk and yell, OH MY GOD, I'VE BEEN SHOT IN THE NADS! Yeah, good times.

I'm kind of jealous of the life I'm supposedly leading.

People always say The God Father is the #1 movie of all time. But ask yourself, did you see Zach Braff in it....No you didn't. So then by default it goes to Garden State..and if youwatch two episodes of scrubs back to back that counts as the #2.

If Democrats want to start winning elections in this country, they're going to have to start connecting with voters as well as I connect with my fans.

Somebody approached me about writing a biography on me, I told them they were too late.

I don't have anything against this Jesus guy, but has he written, directed, and starred in his own movie?

It's kind of ironic that my character is a doctor who acts very gay with his best friend. I don't see how gays could ever be doctors, they spend too much time whining about everything. Just get off your soapbox and go back to designing floral arrangements.