I was stuck in traffic one day and just kinda thought it would be funny to masturbate. It was sunny and clear out, so I was worried one of the other drivers would see me, but my jeep is pretty high off the ground, so I think no one noticed. I busted a nut and aimed it down, ruining my tweety bird floor mat. I felt kinda stupid after and my mom kept silent the rest of the drive home. It was awkward and I regret it.

Every single person wants to do it, don't hate me because I had the guts to follow my heart!

I was excited about The Dark Knight until Heath Ledger gave away the ending, Batman always wins.

I certainly do not consider myself the next Jesus. I'd say he was more of a precursor to Zach Braff.

Don't get me wrong, I love the idea of killing unwanted babies, it's just that the idea of letting women make a decision doesn't sit well with me.

I mean, personally, I would have had no problem surviving. Come on, how hard is it to swim?

That cyclone in Burma? That was just me doing the dance to that annoying ass song.