Women have the right to choose what do with their own bodies. They can take it in the cooch or in the pooper. But that's where their right to choose stops, in my opinion.

You always see black people complaining about this and that, but you never see me complaining about how slow they work on my plantation.

You know, I've occasionally tried to watch other shows besides Scrubs, but comparing them is a bit like me competing in the special Olympics. Obviously I would win without contest, but the point is that they are trying their best.

I'm not saying eating babies should be legal, but when they're so delicious, what's the harm in it? I don't know what tastes better, their innocence or their gooey rib butter.

You want to know the secret of my success? Let me tell you about eugenics.

Am I really gonna deny someone the opportunity of a lifetime just because they met me 5 easters early?

I'm not saying I hate Jews, I'm just saying that I think they shouldn't be alive any more.