Well, I'm not saying that America is a bad place or anything. I just think 9/11 needed to happen sooner or later.

I've always tried to learn from the greats: Orson Welles, Humphrey Bogart, Ghandi, Buddha, Jesus... it's just that there's this tremendous pressure to correct all the things they got wrong.

I'm not saying I hate Jews, I'm just saying that I think they shouldn't be alive any more.

Yea, I've got a dream too. It involves time-travel and a rifle.

When I think about the holidays, I think about the Salvation Army guys ringing bells in front of stores. They're always so nice to you and they're always willing to give a heart to heart conversation. They actually bear the winter cold to ask for your petty cash with a smile on their face. Fudge those guys.

They say that guys who like chick flicks tend to do a little better with the ladies. Well, I INVENTED the chick flick, so you can pretty much guess where that leaves me.

Look on the bright side; that's one bullet that's not going to hit me.