I stand stark naked in front of the mirror and gaze directly into my own eyes. I utter 'Good morning, handsome' and my lips quiver as I stare at myown body. I don't break eye contact until I blow my load. Not once do I actually touch myself.

If John McCain were really a war hero he would've won Vietnam.

It's not that I'm racist or anything, because I'm not, but I just don't think we should be wasting our time helping people that are going to die soon anyway.

I wouldn't exactly call it 'Intelligent', but somebody has to be behind designing the human form other than just biological necessity. Why else would women have arms? Or feet? Or mouths?

I've been doing som jogging at home recently and every time I try the distance I end up beating his time with like three or four seconds.

I know I probably should be sad about my mother's cancer... but she still hasn't seen The Last Kiss, you know?

I'm kind of jealous of the life I'm supposedly leading.