In New York, we tip everyone. We tip doormen, we tip cab drivers, and we tip bartenders at the bar. You'll get quite an evil eye if you don't leave a tip at the bar.

Well, I've thought about donating, but they get so many damn donations already. I read about one foundation that raised over 100 million dollars. Well where the hell did that go? For all I know every starving child has a 2 story house by now. Or maybe they're all raging alcoholics, like homeless people. Homeless people who are more effective when it comes to raising money. Who wants to support alcoholic children? Not me.

Yea, I've got a dream too. It involves time-travel and a rifle.

I'd really like to give back to the world, but everything I've achieved, I've earned on my own, so what's the point?

I mean, some people accuse me of being racist. I'm totally not, I'm just better than everybody else.

Seriously, when's the last time you saw me wear shorts?

You know, I think there should be a Zach Braff Day. We could have it on December 25th and then people can decide whether they want to celebrate me or Jesus. If you ask me, the choice is pretty obvious.