I'm not actually an arrogant guy. It's just that, truthfully, nobody else can really compare to me.

I think the [New England] Patriots' season should have an asterisk next to it because everything they're accomplishing is against teams coached by people other than me.

Didn't we learn our lesson from Planet of the Apes?

I did theater for a few years while I was in New York, but it was tough having to perform scripts worse than what I knew I could write.

Gay men in L.A. are all a bunch of tens looking for an eleven.

I'm not an hour late. You guys were just an hour early.

There's a lot of gray area in the law. Who can say, without a doubt, that I was in the wrong?