I think the [New England] Patriots' season should have an asterisk next to it because everything they're accomplishing is against teams coached by people other than me.

They say that guys who like chick flicks tend to do a little better with the ladies. Well, I INVENTED the chick flick, so you can pretty much guess where that leaves me.

At first, I didn't really care if global warming existed. But then I realized it means that less bums would freeze to death in the winter

I always encourage over-tipping if you can afford it because share the wealth.

Every single person wants to do it, don't hate me because I had the guts to follow my heart!

I think we have to acknowledge that people are different and succeed at different things, first of all. Men are better than women at some professions like firefighting, construction work, and physics. But women are better than men at some professions, too, like elementary teaching, prostitution, and giving birth. Who's to say which is more important?

I think I suffer from some mild depression.