I don't like the idea of drama schools. They only perpetuate the myth that everyone can do what I do

What else could I tell them? I like my women like I like my whiskey: 12 years old and mixed up with coke.

If God wanted women to be treated equally to men, he'd have given them penises.

I don't ask questions. I just figure the extra warm days are God's way of rewarding me for Garden State

I think slavery was an awful, awful period in our history, but when I look at what's become of black culture since emancipation, I think you have to admit, maybe the Confederacy was on to something

I actually did ponder doing the Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie thing and get a kid from Ethiopia. But you know, I already have an ashtray.

I love queers as much as the next guy, I just don't think I should have to sit beside them on public transport.