I am going to be the next Ryan Gosling.

My name is Zach Galifianakis and I hope I'm pronouncing that right. I'm named after my granddad, my middle name. My name is Zach Granddad Galifianakis.

My comfort zone is press conferences.

I'm not versed enough in constitutional law to run for office. I'd have to go back to school or something.

I know my face is turning red. I don't want you to interpret it as being embarrassed. It's rage. The color of my face is rage.

It's not good for comedy to be like, 'Thanks for liking me'. Being popular is poison.

I'll never forget my grandmother's last words. She said 'What are you doing?'