When I do stand-up for a long time, I'll get burned out, then I'll get an acting gig. For me, the grass is always greener. I'd like to do a mixture of all of it. My goal is just to do small movies that I've written. That's what I'm trying to do now, just write smaller movies.

Yesterday, I masturbated for 45 minutes... with salad tongs.

I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack.

Tigers love pepper...they hate cinnamon.

My stand-up is more like how I am in real life. I don't really do a character thing in stand-up. It's just a bunch of sentences that are supposed to be funny.

I don't want to do an edgy show, I didn't want bad language. I think edginess is the new hackiness.

I want to do another reality show. It's based on The Mole. It's about sexually transmitted diseases. It's called "God, I Hope That's a Mole."