I watch a happy person doing stand-up, and I go, "What the hell is this? This person's happy!" You need internal conflict. You need the guy to be out of step with society. It's a tool for comedy.

I've always wanted to have a Greek sitcom called Olive Lucy.

I haven't been hit since Leon Spinks hit me in '92.

Hookers don't like to snuggle.

When you look like I do its hard to get a table for one at Chucky Cheese.

Do you remember that kid that had sex with his high school teacher? I was reading online that he died today. He died from hi-fiveing.

I watch a happy person doing stand-up, and I go, "What the hell is this? This person's happy!" You need internal conflict. You need the guy to be out of step with society. It's a tool for comedy.