Do you remember that kid that had sex with his high school teacher? I was reading online that he died today. He died from hi-fiveing.

But comedy is like music, it appeals to some people. Some people like Creed, those people are usually pretty stupid. But they probably also like Carrot Top. I would say that they're part of the same ilk.

I've always been attracted to sad. If you look at Woody Allen movies, he's often playing a sad clown, and it's always been interesting. And angry clown is even more interesting.

I'm not versed enough in constitutional law to run for office. I'd have to go back to school or something.

I like dark comedies. That's why I like the Wayans Brothers.

My forte is awkwardness.

I don't like to have anybody tell me to be in a place at certain times. That's kind of the advantage of stand up. You're self-employed.