A good stand-up, you lead the audience. You don't kowtow to the audience. Sometimes the audience is wrong. I always think the audience is wrong.

Do you remember that kid that had sex with his high school teacher? I was reading online that he died today. He died from hi-fiveing.

I would have changed my last name if being famous were my goal.

I just could just shave my beard, and nobody would recognize me. Although I look like Jodie Foster.

My stand-up is more like how I am in real life. I don't really do a character thing in stand-up. It's just a bunch of sentences that are supposed to be funny.

I'm terrible about people wanting to take pictures with me. I'm a giant baby about it. They treat you like a cartoon. There's nothing you can do except make light of it.

I think if they put a laugh track on 'Intervention,' it would be funny.