My real last name is Galifianakisburg.
I think comedy is a really, really good tool for trying to say something.
I would have changed my last name if being famous were my goal.
Yesterday, I masturbated for 45 minutes... with salad tongs.
The congressmen and senators used to go have a drink in D.C. They would disagree all day long, but they would find that time to sit down and learn about each other personally. I think that's totally wiped out; I don't think it really exists anymore.
The other day, I got a henna tattoo that says "Forever."