You save 15 more minutes of sleep if you are a man and you don't have to shave.

I call my balls the bush twins.

A good stand-up, you lead the audience. You don't kowtow to the audience. Sometimes the audience is wrong. I always think the audience is wrong.

Don't boo people! Don't boo! Be more specific! Like, 'WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT?! I HATE THAT! I HATE IT!'

At what age do you think it's appropriate to tell a highway it's adopted?

When you look like I do its hard to get a table for one at Chucky Cheese.

I haven't been hit since Leon Spinks hit me in '92.