You save 15 more minutes of sleep if you are a man and you don't have to shave.

The problem with these interviews is that there's no sarcastic font.

Did you ever wake up with an erection...and find yourself in a massage chair at Brookstone? And you yell to the sales clerk "I'll take it!"

I don't mean to be gross, but the only time it's good to yell "I have diarrhea" is when you're playing Scrabble because it's worth a shitload of points.

I haven't been hit since Leon Spinks hit me in '92.

I'd like to do a reality show with four white people...who are dropped off in a really bad black neighborhood. And the show would be called...Cracker Hunt.

Have you seen that show on CBS called 'The Amazing Race'? Is that show about white people?