You save 15 more minutes of sleep if you are a man and you don't have to shave.

I don't mean to be gross, but the only time it's good to yell "I have diarrhea" is when you're playing Scrabble because it's worth a shitload of points.

When you look like I do its hard to get a table for one at Chucky Cheese.

I'm not cynical when it comes to things that are important. I'm cynical about pop culture and all that horseshit.

I kind of put myself out there as is. I'm a quiet person. I don't know if that's surprising. I'm a Pilates junkie.

I'm Greek. My body produces feta cheese.

I'm not versed enough in constitutional law to run for office. I'd have to go back to school or something.