I've always wanted to have a Greek sitcom called Olive Lucy.

I would have changed my last name if being famous were my goal.

I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack.

Element of surprise is really fun for me in comedy. I have to be surprised, and everything's been done.

I've always wanted to have a Greek sitcom called Olive Lucy.

You know how some people have gay-dar? I have fat-dar. I can automatically tell if you're fat or not. And I also have cerebral-palsy-dar.

Four years ago on this very day I tried to take my own life. And I said, "Zach, do it in front of your co-workers and end the misery." I don't know how many of you ever tried to jump off of a Pizza Hut, but you'll just get a sprained ankle out of the deal. Then you'll have to go back inside, and serve crazy bread.