You know how some people have gay-dar? I have fat-dar. I can automatically tell if you're fat or not. And I also have cerebral-palsy-dar.

I find anger to be funny. I find people that are so wrapped up in their own personalities to be funny, and lost. Like myself in real life.

I'm terrible about people wanting to take pictures with me. I'm a giant baby about it. They treat you like a cartoon. There's nothing you can do except make light of it.

I try to write three jokes every day. I don't sit down and write them, it's just things that pop into my head. Then I'll go watch it fail onstage that night.

I just could just shave my beard, and nobody would recognize me. Although I look like Jodie Foster.

You know you have a drinking problem when the bartender knows your name -- and you've never been to that bar before.

I am not into publicity. I'm not good at it. I get anxiety about it.