Four years ago on this very day I tried to take my own life. And I said, "Zach, do it in front of your co-workers and end the misery." I don't know how many of you ever tried to jump off of a Pizza Hut, but you'll just get a sprained ankle out of the deal. Then you'll have to go back inside, and serve crazy bread.

I'm terrible about people wanting to take pictures with me. I'm a giant baby about it. They treat you like a cartoon. There's nothing you can do except make light of it.

I just could just shave my beard, and nobody would recognize me. Although I look like Jodie Foster.

Whether you are on the Right or the Left, everyone can agree that there are a lot of outside influences in American politics that are not good for the system. There's just too much money.

American society loves to prop people up and then take them down.

Inappropriateness is funny to me. Rudeness is hilarious.

Do you ever do something, and then think to yourself: That's So Raven?