I dream of moving to India, or Pakistan, and becoming a cabdriver.

I've been happily dedicated to the same woman for a number of years. I never even look at other women.

But comedy is like music, it appeals to some people. Some people like Creed, those people are usually pretty stupid. But they probably also like Carrot Top. I would say that they're part of the same ilk.

I'm not cynical when it comes to things that are important. I'm cynical about pop culture and all that horseshit.

I've always been attracted to sad. If you look at Woody Allen movies, he's often playing a sad clown, and it's always been interesting. And angry clown is even more interesting.

I think those neighborhood signs that say 'slow children playing' are mean.

I just could just shave my beard, and nobody would recognize me. Although I look like Jodie Foster.