I call my balls the bush twins.

I am going to be the next Ryan Gosling.

I have never been much of a groomer. I take baths a lot, but I don't wear deodorant. I don't have to. I have a miraculous body scent. I've had women smell me and say that should be bottled. I would advise guys to lay off the Drakkar, because the cavemen weren't wearing it. They might have been putting mint leaves on their balls, but your scent is grown naturally. I have really good dating advice.

I like to read the bible in public places where people are watching me read it. And I like to mumur out to myself: 'Bullshit!'

But comedy is like music, it appeals to some people. Some people like Creed, those people are usually pretty stupid. But they probably also like Carrot Top. I would say that they're part of the same ilk.

My headshot is a scratch and sniff, it smells like failure and onions.

Have you seen that show on CBS called 'The Amazing Race'? Is that show about white people?