My girlfriend looks a little like Charlize Theron...and a lot like Patrick Ewing.

Fat jokes to me are always, always hilarious, as long as they're done towards yourself.

I was just thinking how unfortunate it'd be to be a fat girl named Candy.

If you read my blog, you know I'm a pilates freak. And by pilates, I mean waffles.

That's one of the great things about comedy: we can - and should - say the things that other people aren't supposed to say. If we didn't do that, if we didn't push against those limits, we'd just be standing around onstage and yelling.

The word abbreviation sure is long for what it means.

When I was in high school I used to sit by myself in the cafeteria - not necessarily by choice - but I thought it was funny to talk to people that weren't there.