My girlfriend looks a little like Charlize Theron...and a lot like Patrick Ewing.

Don't boo people! Don't boo! Be more specific! Like, 'WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT?! I HATE THAT! I HATE IT!'

I've always been attracted to sad. If you look at Woody Allen movies, he's often playing a sad clown, and it's always been interesting. And angry clown is even more interesting.

When I do stand-up for a long time, I'll get burned out, then I'll get an acting gig. For me, the grass is always greener. I'd like to do a mixture of all of it. My goal is just to do small movies that I've written. That's what I'm trying to do now, just write smaller movies.

My father used to beat me with his belt...while it was still on him.

American society loves to prop people up and then take them down.

I'm writing a book about Siamese Twins that are attached at the nose. It's called: Stop Staring at Me!