My girlfriend looks a little like Charlize Theron...and a lot like Patrick Ewing.

Head gear, plus acne equals...table for one in the cafeteria.

I find anger to be funny. I find people that are so wrapped up in their own personalities to be funny, and lost. Like myself in real life.

I don't like to have anybody tell me to be in a place at certain times. That's kind of the advantage of stand up. You're self-employed.

I think sadness and anger are really fertile ground for comedy. No one is really interested in a happy person doing comedy.

I wonder if in 2050 there will be a movie called, 'Dude, Where's My Spaceship'

When you're doing standup you're kind of doing, "Hey. I thought of this. This may be funny.