My girlfriend and I went to a dinner party the other night and we ended up playing charades. There was another couple there that was deaf. They were so good.

We all know how funny Morrissey is. Actually, you know what? I say that sarcastically. His songs are some of the funniest songs I've ever heard in my life. I mean, really. I mean, not that the "Girlfriend in a Coma" is, like, really funny.

I was just thinking how unfortunate it'd be to be a fat girl named Candy.

I don't want to do an edgy show, I didn't want bad language. I think edginess is the new hackiness.

You know how some people have gay-dar? I have fat-dar. I can automatically tell if you're fat or not. And I also have cerebral-palsy-dar.

I wonder if in 2050 there will be a movie called, 'Dude, Where's My Spaceship'

I think if they put a laugh track on 'Intervention,' it would be funny.