I've been happily dedicated to the same woman for a number of years. I never even look at other women.

I don't know what my assistant would do besides get me pot.

Actually, I used to be a busboy in a strip joint in New York and so I hate strip joints. I'm not that kind of person.

Fat jokes to me are always, always hilarious, as long as they're done towards yourself.

Reciting lines is hard; making stuff up is much, much easier.

Yesterday, I masturbated for 45 minutes... with salad tongs.

I like dark comedies. That's why I like the Wayans Brothers.