At what age do you think it's appropriate to tell a highway it's adopted?

My name is Zach Galifianakis and I hope I'm pronouncing that right. I'm named after my granddad, my middle name. My name is Zach Granddad Galifianakis.

My girlfriend and I went to a dinner party the other night and we ended up playing charades. There was another couple there that was deaf. They were so good.

I've been happily dedicated to the same woman for a number of years. I never even look at other women.

I have a 60-acre farm in North Carolina, and I have a tractor and a farmhouse. As soon as I groom the land, I want to put cabins around and have a place where people can write and hang out. It'll be either that or an all-black nudist colony.

I dream of moving to India, or Pakistan, and becoming a cabdriver.

Hookers don't like to snuggle.