Don’t do your best, do my best.

Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they're so suggestible.

I get depressed at airports.

Screw guilt -- I could have sex with 10 men and it wouldn't bother me. I'm an atheist!

When I'm in power, here's how I'm gonna put the country back on its feet. I'm going to put sterilizing agents in the following products: Sunny Delight, Mountain Dew, and Thick-Crust Pizza. Only the 'tardiest of the 'tards like the thick crust.

Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes.

Speaking of sleeping bags, has anything ever had a less creative name?