I swear my car won't run unless I'm picking my nose: At least, I'm that superstitious about it, so I don't want to take any chances.

I had two thoughts about it. One was I could do that, and the next one was I'll never get to do that.

I don't think I've ever seen pie advertised. That's how you know it's good. They advertise ice cream and other desserts. They advertise the bejeeezus out of yogurt, but I haven't seen one pie commercial.

Welfare is monetary methadone.

I guess my feeling is that if you’re going to make a joke, that’s fine, but you should also sort of stand behind it, you know? A joke should be more than a joke, it should be a point that you’re trying to make.

You don't realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. It's a card you get so you can navigate society.

All TV is, is really: 'Don't you want to be this, aren't you glad you're not that.' There's nothing really in the middle.