I think people have a strong desire to push me and others into some sort of political box that they can wrap their minds around.

I'm not sexist, I'm just a realist.

This is why the terrorists hate us. And it's not the glitter and it's not the pomp and circumstance. We've got black and white, we've got Hispanic and Asian, we got gay, straight, and Guttenberg, all working together for one common goal: to get the mirror ball. And the mirror ball doesn't care what color you are, and it doesn't care how rich your parents are, and it doesn't care what God you pray to. It's an even wooden floor, and may the best man or woman win. And I say God bless Dancing with the Stars, and God bless the USA.

I think comedy has evolved like every art form, and people probably do less standing around and telling jokes, and more things that have to do with reality.

When you're doing a radio show, you can express yourself.

I got drunk in Canada. I was there for 2 days but I was drunk there for 4 days. I don't know how it worked. I guess it was with the time difference or something.

I feel like I'm a time traveler from the future who has been sent back to be annoyed.