Everyone keeps saying, "Oh my God, oh my God, how intimidating." It's like saying, "How could you date Jennifer Aniston after she's been with Brad Pitt?" I don't care.

Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor.

All's the government should do is keep the taxes and regulations at a manageable rate, keep a decent standing army and get out of the way.

You don't realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. It's a card you get so you can navigate society.

I've got a great eye for color. I'm like a chick.

When I say things that sound insane, like only the smartest million people should have the right to vote, well, I mean that.

I'm a comedian, not a politician.