You don't realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. It's a card you get so you can navigate society.

I'm a doofus from the Valley, a blue-collar guy.

Lets not focus on saving a nickel... lets focus on making a buck.

The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor, I'm just gonna tell her, "Be a staff writer for a sitcom. Because they'll have to hire you, they can't really fire you, and you don't have to produce that much. It'll be awesome."

I have a daughter who I love very much, I hire women, I've worked with women, I've never had an issue with women.

A lot of guys and people in our society think that chicks just love dudes with money. Chicks love dudes who are successful who happen to have money - do you know what I mean? Chicks are attracted to dudes that are doing their own thing.

I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I'm not interested in hurting their feelings.