I don't think I've ever seen pie advertised. That's how you know it's good. They advertise ice cream and other desserts. They advertise the bejeeezus out of yogurt, but I haven't seen one pie commercial.

The very definition of 'beauty' is outside.

I don't like those men who claim that their wife is their best friend. . . . I think spouses should tolerate each other and occasionally have sex.

I didn't have any success in show business until I was 30 to 31 years of age.

I don't have anything against my mom, but my family has no emotional connection to each other.

I saw a commercial for the maxi pads for the bigger gals they're making now. That was a nice visual while I was eating.

As I said in my last book, birds are mean. They're the only pet that, when they escape, the owners are relieved. You can tell a species is evil by doing this simple math. If my blond lab Molly was the size of T-Rex, that would just mean more kibble, more work for the gardener in the backyard, and a harder time moving her to my wife's side of the bed at night. If birds were the size of a T-Rex, the streets would be littered with human remains.