I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I'm not interested in hurting their feelings.

Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes.

To make something, you have to work within your abilities. Honestly assess what you can do and even more important, what can't you do.

You don't cruise the Internet looking for your name and walk away with a good feeling. So, I never do it.

I guess my feeling is that if you’re going to make a joke, that’s fine, but you should also sort of stand behind it, you know? A joke should be more than a joke, it should be a point that you’re trying to make.

Wearing Crocs is like getting blown by a dude. It feels great until you look down and realize you're gay.

A lot of guys and people in our society think that chicks just love dudes with money. Chicks love dudes who are successful who happen to have money - do you know what I mean? Chicks are attracted to dudes that are doing their own thing.