What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.
Adam CarollaWearing Crocs is like getting blown by a dude. It feels great until you look down and realize you're gay.
Adam CarollaI'm not comically oriented. I get angry and I start complaining and then people start laughing. I don't even want them to laugh half the time.
Adam CarollaThe reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor, I'm just gonna tell her, "Be a staff writer for a sitcom. Because they'll have to hire you, they can't really fire you, and you don't have to produce that much. It'll be awesome."
Adam Carolla