All TV is, is really: 'Don't you want to be this, aren't you glad you're not that.' There's nothing really in the middle.

When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.

That's an interesting philosophical question. When your boner goes away, is that one gone... forever?

I am semi-ambivalent about being on camera - sort of low-key. I don't like being on camera stuff that much. I like radio and live performing stuff. I don't like the television stuff as much. Some people do. It takes a certain breed of cat. There is a ton of pressure and you need to read cue cards. I am not a good cue card reader. Being a poor reader was enough to make me not want to do that type of formatted show.

Speaking of sleeping bags, has anything ever had a less creative name?

People who fail, excel at avoiding opportunity.

No one is depressed when they're being chased by a bear.