Asking someone in advance not judge you, is like asking someone in advance not to smell you.

Junior colleges are high schools with ashtrays.

When I'm in power, here's how I'm gonna put the country back on its feet. I'm going to put sterilizing agents in the following products: Sunny Delight, Mountain Dew, and Thick-Crust Pizza. Only the 'tardiest of the 'tards like the thick crust.

You should feel good about yourself because of your accomplishments. Not because somebody yelled at you to feel good about yourself.

I don't have anything against my mom, but my family has no emotional connection to each other.

I had two thoughts about it. One was I could do that, and the next one was I'll never get to do that.

Don’t do your best, do my best.