My life is about building and working and wrenching on some cars.

I don't burn any calories trying to be masculine; I just happen to be from that world.

Maybe I'm delusional but I'm usually funny. It's not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average.

Rich people don't pay taxes? Of course they pay taxes - they pay tons in taxes. They pay for everyone else who doesn't pay taxes.

I am not a good cue card reader.

When you're picking a basketball team, you'll take the brother over the guy with the yarmulke. Why? Because you're playing the odds.

I don't think I've ever seen pie advertised. That's how you know it's good. They advertise ice cream and other desserts. They advertise the bejeeezus out of yogurt, but I haven't seen one pie commercial.