Maybe I'm delusional but I'm usually funny. It's not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average.

I want to work for myself, and I do work for myself. I make plenty of money working for myself.

When you do television, there's more to do, and when you do new television, there's a lot more to do, especially when you don't have partner. I miss not having that person.

My mom was on welfare and the occasional food stamp, but I have never participated in any of those governmental programs, even the ones that kind of work like education, scholarships and whatever, and I managed to do just fine.

No one is depressed when they're being chased by a bear.

When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.

I don't normally vote. I'm lazy and I never bought into the every vote counts.