I used to be a Democrat, now I'm basically a Republican.

It's funny when you're a kid how you can acclimate to almost anything.

If in 1989 I said, 'I have an idea: Bottle water and sell it. And charge more than a beer,' they would have chased me around with a giant butterfly net. The same with paying to watch a television station.

Wearing Crocs is like getting blown by a dude. It feels great until you look down and realize you're gay.

I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I'm not interested in hurting their feelings.

My motto is "more mystery, less history".

I think comedy has evolved like every art form, and people probably do less standing around and telling jokes, and more things that have to do with reality.