I know everything because I know nothing.

When you have kids, you instantly feel that you do not want to do them wrong. Those dads that go off to Florida and start a new life, I couldn’t imagine that: seeing my kid once every Christmas, every three years. If I’m gone for six days it feels like too much.

Welfare is monetary methadone.

I used to be a Democrat, now I'm basically a Republican.

I saw a commercial for the maxi pads for the bigger gals they're making now. That was a nice visual while I was eating.

All's the government should do is keep the taxes and regulations at a manageable rate, keep a decent standing army and get out of the way.

Then there's the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I'd be, a sweatpants lesbian.