My first car was a motorcycle.

I don't think healthcare's a right. The only right you have is the ability to go out on an even playing field and work, and then purchase health insurance, or whatever it is.

Rich people don't pay taxes? Of course they pay taxes - they pay tons in taxes. They pay for everyone else who doesn't pay taxes.

That's an interesting philosophical question. When your boner goes away, is that one gone... forever?

What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.

I don't like soccer. I think it makes you soft. And by the way, you telling me it's the biggest whatever in the World, look, they drink tea everywhere too; they're pussies, you understand? I want some coffee.

Screw guilt -- I could have sex with 10 men and it wouldn't bother me. I'm an atheist!