I'd never hurt another person.

I am semi-ambivalent about being on camera - sort of low-key. I don't like being on camera stuff that much. I like radio and live performing stuff. I don't like the television stuff as much. Some people do. It takes a certain breed of cat. There is a ton of pressure and you need to read cue cards. I am not a good cue card reader. Being a poor reader was enough to make me not want to do that type of formatted show.

I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I'm not interested in hurting their feelings.

There's no bigger atheist than me. Well, I take that back. I'm a cancer screening away from going agnostic and a biopsy away from full-fledged Christian.

[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.

The thing about a good podcast is you have to have a good host. If you don't have a compelling host then you have nothing.

When I say things that sound insane, like only the smartest million people should have the right to vote, well, I mean that.