Whoever is for higher taxes, feel free to pay higher taxes.

My first car was a motorcycle.

If Joy Behar or Sherri Shepherd was a dude, they'd be off TV. They're not funny enough for dudes. What if Roseanne Barr was a dude? Think we'd know who she was?

I'm like John Q. Public. I represent what every guy wants and needs.

When I say things that sound insane, like only the smartest million people should have the right to vote, well, I mean that.

Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can't just throw your hands up and enjoy it.

No, I had not read any other comedian's book. Not that I don't enjoy other comedians; I'm just not a reader.